Judgement Day

January 14, 2021

Judgement Day

When you are blown away by judgement from the one person you thought least likely to judge...
Fact: I have PTSD, Diabetes Type 2, high blood pressure, migraines, suffer from hay fever (allergic to grass) and struggle with sleep.
Fact: I take medications to manage all but the sleep.
So this happened!! I was getting my morning pills ready (as the migraine ones are taken at night) and I said as a bit of a joke..... "breakfast of champions!"
Someone in my family (let's call them 'Felix') asked me why I am taking so many pills? "You should just stop?" I looked at him in disbelief. "Why would you say that, you know these pills allow me to function and participate in everyday life, they keep me balanced" (and ensure I don't stab you, I may have also thought). "They keep my blood sugar levels where they need to be to feed energy and oxygen to my body, and they ensure my heart doesn't have to overwork and give me a heart attack or stroke! I'm shocked you are saying this!"
I then took the photo above and said I was going to post it on Socials to which 'Felix' asked why on earth I would do that and I why I would encourage people to take all those tablets!  😱
WTAF! My response was to start to shut down, go back in my shell, hide in shame as I have done for the past 26 years or so, but then the inner voice (I call her Elizabeth and she can be a bitch) said why should you not share? Why are you letting someone judge you when you have come so far?
I never told anyone about having severe postnatal depression that almost put me into hospital after having my daughter. I still haven't told many or talked to many about it, but I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of it now.
I don't talk a lot about my PTSD or the reason for it to many and probably my psychiatrist is the only one who knows the full story. She tells me I should share the stories, especially with close friends but the fear of judgement, of the labels and the assumptions that might be made has always made me protect my embarrassing dirty little secrets.
I am strong now, much stronger than I ever was and I know it is not for me to be embarrassed or ashamed as it is a chemical imbalance causing the issues for me to remain stable and function in the world. I'm just wired a little differently and some things can trigger me to drop back into that self survival mode which shuts my mind down, and although a coping mechanism, it makes it hard to function. As an example, even making a coffee or showering is difficult, the sequence is difficult and unfamiliar, so I continue to take those meds. I want to share to show others it's ok if you have to take medication. I function well, hell I run a business, work two other jobs, have raised four children etc. I am proud of who I have become!
As for the drugs for my medical conditions, it's ok to need them too. It means I can live a full, fun life and enjoy any opportunity which comes my way. Anyone who has had a migraine or long lasting headache knows how terrible that can be. You just can't function or concentrate. Thank goodness for my three little white night pills.
And so I share with you my breakfast of champions not to encourage but to say if you have to take medication it's OK! If you do need to take medication and to not be ashamed  💜

Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.

Sign Up For 10% OFF!